Through the Darkness

[00:00:00] CA: Hello, and thank you for joining me. This is the Catholic Adventurer. Thank you for joining me for this quick little thing. I wanted to, lemme be straight up. I’m producing this really, um, by request. Someone on TikTok dropped a comment that is near and dear to my heart. The comment is, I don’t know the person, but the comment is near and dear to my heart.

[00:00:21] I suspect the person one day will be near and dear to my heart, because I suspect this person is going to be a saint, and he doesn’t even know it. So, first, let’s get to the comment. Could you comment on how we cooperate with grace or how grace augments our own efforts? My life pursuing virtue is a struggle. It seems, now get this last part, it seems like God is absent, that I’m on my own with many failures. I have to tell you that, and I’m going to say to you what I said to him, that last part tells me.

[00:01:01] That that person is on the road to sainthood. It tells me that that person is far along on the path to sainthood. And they probably don’t even know it. It seems like God is absent, but I’m on my own with many failures. How do we cooperate with God’s grace? How does God, God’s grace supplement our own efforts?

How Do We Cooperate with Grace?

[00:01:26] CA: Let me take the first part. How do we cooperate with God’s [00:01:30] grace? First…

[00:01:30] This may be surprisingly uninteresting, but it’s the truth Put in a good day Put in a good day Try your best to do everything well

[00:01:46] Don’t focus on doing everything right Focus on doing everything well From the small things to the large things focus on doing things. Well put in a good day Believe it or not, that’s step one. Because the first thing God is giving you the grace to do is to put in a good day. That’s the first thing he’s going to give you the grace to do is to put in a good day.

[00:02:08] I guess the next thing I would offer, how do we cooperate with God’s grace apart from putting in a good day? Always orient yourself to every good that’s within your reach. Always orient yourself to every good that’s within your reach.

[00:02:22] The next one, how do we cooperate with God’s grace apart from putting in a good day?

[00:02:27] I would say first be prayerful, be very prayerful. He’s going to give you the grace to pray. Uh, I was, I say this often, Jesus didn’t pray a lot because he was God. God doesn’t need to pray. God, the son is eternally united to God, the father. He does not need to pray to be united to God. The reason why we see Jesus praying frequently and deeply.

[00:02:48] Is because human beings need to pray frequently and deeply jesus didn’t pray a lot because he was god Jesus prayed a lot because he was a man Because he was a human being So be prayerful God’s [00:03:00] going to give you the grace to do that too because he knows we need it It’s not an extra. It’s a necessity It’s essential.

[00:03:07] He knows we need it. He’s going to give us the grace to do that. So do that Put in a good day Be prayerful. And as I said in another video, you might not have seen it. You might have seen it. I don’t know. Pray like you. Don’t try to pray. Don’t try to pray like St. Augustine or St. this or St. that. Just pray like you and God will take you to higher levels and deeper levels of prayer.

[00:03:32] But make yourself available to him. Okay? Prayerful. Be prayerful.

Take the Journey, NOT YOURSELF, seriously

[00:03:37] CA: And I said this earlier to, to, to someone in, in, uh, another podcast. Take the journey seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously. We are fallen creatures called to be like God. We are fallen creatures called to be like God.

[00:03:56] That’s a big, big leap. And it is hard to do. And we need so much help from God’s grace. It’s literally unspeakable. So don’t take yourself too seriously because you’re nothing and you’re a nobody. That’s all of us. 

[00:04:12] Don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re not going to get to sainthood on your own. All you can do is try. So that’s another piece of advice I can give. Keep trying and be patient with yourself when you fail. Don’t be satisfied that you fail, but just expect that you [00:04:30] will fail. You will trip, you will fall, and so you will get back up and you will try again.

[00:04:36] You will fall and that means you will get back up and you will try again And you will get better now you may get worse before you get better

[00:04:46] understand this. God is teaching you something in your failures. God knows you will fail, and he is going to use that for your benefit and for his glory. He’s going to use your failures. They will become ingredients in his providence. Let me repeat. Your failures will become an ingredient in the providence of God.

[00:05:09] He will use them to enact his will, to effectuate his will, to bring his will into, to fruition. He will use your failures. 

[00:05:21] How do we cooperate with God’s grace? Allow him to use your failures to make you better. Don’t let them defeat you. Don’t let them defeat you, because then you’re not letting your failures.

[00:05:34] Work to the will of God. Don’t let them defeat you. Get up. Try again. Get up. Try again. Get up. Try again 

Marine Story

[00:05:42] CA: I’m going to tell you a story. Um, I I gave this story in a in a podcast in the past I don’t usually like talking about myself But when I have an example that illustrates a point then I I do that I was uh in infantry school This is years ago Uh, in [00:06:00] infantry school, and, uh, we were training for this one maneuver, a particular maneuver, in combat and warfare.

[00:06:08] I’m not going to explain what it was. Um, and I kept doing it wrong. My instructors would not tell me what I was doing wrong. They were particularly hard on me. There were a handful of us that they singled out. To be particularly strict with and I happened to be one of them And I did this maneuver. It was a very trying maneuver Did it wrong?

[00:06:33] And they said nope do it again Wrong do it again No, do it again And again and again and again, I did this damn maneuver Never being told what I was doing wrong Until eventually I did it, right And my instructor said just that way you understand just that way now do it again Oh god, okay I don’t know what I was doing wrong before I’m, not sure what I was doing correctly or differently this time But I did it again.

[00:07:09] It was correct. He made me do it a third time correctly. I did it a third time correctly By the time I was done, and that, I mean, it went on for a while, and I was beat at the end of that. I was really beat. But I was lethal in that maneuver. Even in my time in the fleet, that was my maneuver. And I was damn [00:07:30] good at it, damn good.

[00:07:31] You know why I was so good at that maneuver? Because my instructor was so hard on me, and he let me fail, and fail, and fail, and fail, and fail, without exaggeration, and fail, and fail. Until I got it right. I’m still not, I still don’t know what I did right. But what I do know is this, I knew the hell out of that maneuver.

[00:07:54] Because I failed, and did it again, and failed, and did it again, and failed, and did it again, and failed, and did it again. I trust that he was being honest. In fact, I know that he was. I was, I was doing something wrong.

[00:08:05] Don’t know what it was, and it doesn’t matter. My awareness of, of what I had to do differently makes no difference in the fact that I was doing it wrong before, I got it right later, and by the time I got it right, I was excellent in that maneuver. Excellent. Excellent.

[00:08:21] If human instructors can do that, believe that God can do it better, how do we cooperate with God’s grace? Keep trying and keep believing that God is with you, that God is teaching you something in your failures, that he’s making, he’s using your failures as ingredients in his providence, in his will for you.

[00:08:48] And I know it’s painful. I know it’s painful. You know what the amazing thing is? God knows it’s painful too, and he knows that you can handle it. [00:09:00] You’re stronger than you realize.

Feeling All Alone

[00:09:01] CA: The commenter goes on to say, It feels like I’m all alone, and God is absent. I’m going to be so honest with you right now. I’m in that very place, and I have no idea how to lead you out of it. I am in that very place and I have no idea how to lead you out of it. I wish I did.

[00:09:21] Here’s what I can tell you, here’s what wisdom I can share, and these may apply for you and they may not, but it’s what I can offer.

[00:09:27] In the dark, we see everything. We see the things that are hidden, paradoxically hidden in the light. In the dark, we see everything. God is trying to show you something in the dark. Very likely, you’re not going to like it. It’s going to be a lot of it’s. You’re not going to like them. God is showing you something in the dark.

[00:09:52] He wants you to see something. So pay attention. Sometimes He lets us sit in that darkness, in that feeling of being all alone. Sometimes He lets us sit there without showing us anything. Without bringing us anywhere. Why? Because He knows that’s going to break us down. He knows that will break us down. He knows that will make us so, it sounds, it sounds strange to say it, but he may, he knows that’s going to make us hurt so bad that we will be sensitive to everything.

[00:10:26] Even the things that we were previously numb to, [00:10:30] things he wants us to know, to understand that we were previously numb to. He’s going to break us down. So much that we’ll be so sensitive that we’ll be able to pick up even on those things. There will be times in the faith journey that you feel abandoned by God, ignored by the saints, and in a terrible place all by yourself. There will be times in the faith journey that God permits a soul to go through that. People say it’s the dark night of the soul. It may be, it may not be. Not all spiritual desolation is the dark night of the soul. That’s another conversation. But it surely is spiritual desolation.

[00:11:11] And there will be times in the journey where we are taken through a desolate place, into a desolate place. Where it’s cold, and it’s dark, and it’s harsh, and it’s cruel.

[00:11:22] And we shake our finger at God. Why did you do this? Why are you allowing this?

[00:11:28] We shake our fists at the saints. Why are you ignoring my prayers?

[00:11:32] We question ourselves. Why am I doing this? If this is how it goes, if this is how God does, Why am I doing this? Have you ever gotten there? Why am I doing this?

[00:11:43] Again, I wish I had advice to lead you through it, but I don’t. But here’s what I can tell you.

[00:11:47] For as long as you’re not giving up, you are being purified and made strong. Because any rational person would have given up. Any rational person would have given up. [00:12:00] I want to. I want to give up. I do. Oh my God. But you’re the Catholic adventurer. You’re trying to, you’re on a mission to form saints and all the, and all of that is sincere and genuine.

[00:12:16] All of that is sincere and genuine, but on my own journey, boy, do I want to give up because I’m beat, man, I’m, I’m beat. God has beaten me down. He has really beaten me down, but I know the beat down is not the truth. It’s just the situation. It’s just the situation now. In fact, in other words, it’s not the whole of the truth.

[00:12:38] It’s a temporary transition. And I’m learning a lot. I don’t like everything that I’m learning. I don’t know the point to all of the hard things I’m learning. I don’t know the point, but I know there is a point. And so I’m waiting. I’m waiting for it all to make sense. It may never make sense while I’m alive.

[00:12:56] But I know it will all be to His glory. I know that. I know that. I know that I’m learning things that I will apply in my ministry. Maybe I’m doing it right now. I know that I’m learning things that I’ll apply in my ministry, and I’m not aware that I’m able to give that to all of you because I’m going through this darkness and I’m learning things that I previously did not know.

[00:13:18] And maybe I’ll never be consciously aware of that.

[00:13:20] And so I’m going to say to all of you, what I said to this person in the comments. You are on the way to holiness. In fact, you’re well [00:13:30] along the way and now you’re at the next level And I didn’t know how to say it in the comments I’m, not sure how to say it in front of a microphone, but i’m going to try you’re at the next level And this is where things get serious Things get frightful Things get heartbreaking And also amazing things happen

[00:13:50] and I’ll tell you something else in my history of going through periods of spiritual desolation, in which this is the deepest I’ve ever experienced it. Barnard. But in my history of experiencing spiritual desolation, and for those who don’t know, spiritual consolation follows periods of spiritual desolation, so never lose hope, okay?

[00:14:09] It’s part of the cycle. But in my history experiencing spiritual desolation, there have been times where I can’t quite see Jesus, but I can always see his mother. 

Final Advice

[00:14:20] CA: Final piece of advice Do not be victimized by what God is putting you through right now. Do not be victimized by what God is putting you through right now.

[00:14:30] You cannot pray your way out of it. So don’t expect to. And don’t be disappointed if you’re trying to pray your way out of it and it doesn’t work. It’s not designed to do that. You cannot pray your way out of it. But you can pray your way back to your feet. Amen.

[00:14:46] When this loneliness stirs up in you, and it’s going to stir up, for every individual, this loneliness, this darkness, stirs up and manifests differently. When that happens, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to [00:15:00] focus on that manifestation of the darkness, and I want you to command it in the name of Jesus to be still and to be quiet. I want you to literally say, that’s the darkness. And in the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to be still, and to be quiet.

[00:15:24] You think I’m crazy? Try it. In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to be still, and to be quiet.

[00:15:30] Pay attention and learn what God is trying to teach you in the darkness Pay attention and learn Let me go back to this comment. Make sure i’ve covered it as best as I can Could you comment on how we cooperate with god’s grace oh on how god’s grace augments our own efforts So, something I want to say to that, God’s grace doesn’t always augment our own efforts.

[00:15:53] Sometimes God’s grace completes our own efforts, magnifies our own efforts, makes our own efforts possible. I guess that’s an augmentation. Sometimes God’s grace just gets you barely over the line of where you need to be. And sometimes God’s grace picks you up and throws you over the goal post. Sometimes he just barely gets it by design, not because he’s not able to do better, but by design.

[00:16:15] Sometimes he just barely gets you over the goalpost, over the line.

[00:16:18] I’ll tell you this. I, this is years worth of wisdom that I’m going to try and condense into just a minute or two. Human will is [00:16:30] extremely powerful.

[00:16:31] And its value In the celestial order and perhaps in the, in the whole order of creation, its value is very, very high. I don’t know why it is. This is not Catholic teaching, by the way it’s my own philosophy. Okay? It is not in conflict with church teaching, but it is my own philosophy.

[00:16:54] Human will is highly powerful and highly, highly valuable. That’s why the devil wants it so badly. And that’s why God and Jesus Christ throughout the Gospels wants us to apply our will. Think of it as celestial currency that has a very high value, a value we don’t understand.

[00:17:18] Jesus wants people in the scriptures to, to, in, in the gospel to apply their will all the time. You know, he doesn’t make it easy for them. He gives them the space to doubt, he doesn’t let them fall into it, but he gives them the space to doubt because you have to apply your will against it.

[00:17:34] He says, go and show yourself to others, but don’t, or, or he says, don’t tell them what I did. Don’t tell them the miracle that I did for you. John the Baptist flat out asks him, are you the one we’ve been waiting for? And Jesus, well, he doesn’t say to him but he says to to, to John the, the, the Baptist’s disciples who carried this message?

[00:17:53] Are you the one we’ve been waiting for? He says, go back to John and tell them the blind sea, the lame walk [00:18:00] and the dead are. And the dead are risen. Tell him the miracles you have seen. But Jesus doesn’t tell him yes or no. Are you the one we’ve been waiting for? Yes. Jesus never says that. He just gives them enough to act on, enough to apply their will to, and gives them just enough margin for doubt.

[00:18:20] Because spending your will against the temptation of doubt maximizes the value of will. That’s the best I can explain that. Amen. 

[00:18:32] So in these moments of doubt and darkness, I feel like God is all alone. Every time you pray, you’re setting your will against the odds. Every time you pray in this state of desolation. You are setting your will against the rational odds. God is not listening. I’m praying anyway. Do you understand the power of what you’re doing when you do that? God has left me all alone. Yet still, here I am in prayer. Even if all you’re doing is saying a Hail Mary or an Our Father.

[00:19:07] God is leaving you room for doubt, and he’s giving you just enough to apply your will to. And then he says to you, choose. So every time you pray in this state, every time you address God, every time you keep trying in the face of failure and challenge, , you’re getting so strong. And the angels and the saints.

[00:19:29] Are going [00:19:30] crazy cheering for you as they watch this because they love a good fight and they’re going crazy, crazy cheering for you

[00:19:35] even when you feel destroyed. And all you can do is make the sign of the cross and say, Jesus, help me. All of heaven is going crazy, cheering for you because of the power of will that you’re applying against all rational odds when it seems. Everything is dead set against you I’m telling you this is the era of saints And I am not jiving you. This is the era of saints the person who left that comment Is going to be a saint May not be canonized may be canonized But that person is going to be a saint today A saint left a comment on my tiktok And in my heart, I truly, truly, truly believe that.

[00:20:24] My brother, do me a favor. Your prayers have a lot of power and I want you to please say Hail Mary for me and for my family, okay? That can be your payment for this little advice I’m giving you. I’m asking you to pay me with one Hail Mary for the Catholic adventurer, his wife and children in his household.

[00:20:45] I know I was talking up a storm here. I hope I actually gave this person some help I hope I gave some help to some of you this is a Catholic adventure. There’s a reason behind that, that name. It is an adventure. It’s not always [00:21:00] easy, it’s not always fun. But damn, is it always interesting.

[00:21:05] And like any adventure, it has its glories. It has its greatest glory in heaven, and it has its miniature glories on earth. We’re miniature versions of God, and we are fallen creatures. Called to be like God. Called to be like Jesus. By design and by nature, that’s not going to be easy. And sometimes it’s going to be really ugly.

[00:21:25] Here’s a little homework assignment, and then I’ll sign out. It’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s ugly, but it’s always glorious. But let me ask you this. Would you have it any other way? This path that you’re on, as you come to know God, even when it feels like he’s forgotten you? But as you come to know God, and as you come to know truth, as you come to know virtue, you chase down those virtues and they just seem to escape you.

[00:21:48] But would you have it any other way? Would you rather be a pagan? Would you rather be an atheist? Would you rather be someone who believes in God and in Jesus, but you just don’t go to church, you don’t make any effort at all, you just kind of take it loose and easy like everybody else. Would you rather that?

[00:22:07] Or would you rather be on the path that you’re on?

[00:22:12] The answer to that question is going to tell you everything about yourself. I

[00:22:22] have been the Catholic adventurer and I, I gotta tell you the truth, if this is the last thing I ever do, please God, I hope it’s not, [00:22:30] hopefully I don’t have like a heart attack and die tomorrow or something. If this is the last thing I ever do, I hope that this one podcast

[00:22:44] is the jewel and the crown of all my work. God bless you. God be with you all. Hey, you owe me a Hail Mary. Say Hail Mary for me and my family, please. I believe it, man. Believe that you are called to be saints and many of you watching this are saints in the making and you’re gonna get there. You’re gonna get there and I’m cheering for you, man.

[00:23:09] I’m cheering like hell for you. The angels and the saints are cheering like hell for you. Don’t give up. Don’t give up. God bless you. God be with you all. Bye bye.